Well today was okay, Actually it wasnt. I was in a really shitty mood all day. just nothing seemed to be going right at all. Not only did it seem like everyone was getting to my bad side but it was more than usual. So I came home at my normal time, washed my car, vaccumed my car. Then I talked to Ry & Skoney and Decided to go up and pretend to skate with them. That was fun though. I dono, i guess i forgot all about most of my problems cuz i was with the guys (Pat, Skone, Ry, and Adam) And it was just fun we just chilled. I dono. Anyways. I had a OKAY night aside from most ppl being cranky over being ditched by A few people, But i dono i didnt mind that much. Probably cuz it wasnt my original intent to chill w/ those ppl. Oh well. And Ry, Sry about the friend thing:0/ I feel really bad. WEll thats it i dont really have much to write, thanks to the guys who made me forget most of my problems this afternoon. Sorry to everyone whos parties I ditched (Jill, Frank dogg, Jobes, Stinky, ect..) Guess i just wasnt in a party mood:0/
Well I got yelled at for not blogging yet so Ry, heres the blog. Anyways. Today was alright. I actually went to economics today WOOT WOOT! Good times, I'm the BEST monopoly board maker EVER!!
Side note- I'm overly excited cuz I'm telling Zach about seeing my stalker kid TWICE in town today!!! woot!
Okay back to the blog. Hmm.. not much happened today. I made my mom go to work extra early today so that I could go get my paycheck... thats already spent:0/ stupid bills. Then I got the george foreman grill my stepdad wanted and i saw the hott kid at work woo;0) And Um... i got 2 new eyebrow rings. then went to the bank, then i came home only to go out again to go chill w/ Ry and Skoners while they skated/Biked. And we saw the Xtreme Crew WOOOO:0p Theyre sooo cool guys I mean cmon. Theyre SOOOO extreme!!!! Too extreme for me. Umm then i went and got my mo at work, and thats about it. Oh and i guess ry is my GF now no not my BF my GF lol. Hmm i guess thats about all thats happenin right now. Its too early to be writing my blog but i guess i gota do what i gota do. Time to go pretend to do my homework.
For helping me escape just when I needed to, Thank you-thank you, thank you, I want to thank you, please, thank you.." ~Styx- Mr. Roboto
Okay so that song just popped into my head and I thought it would make for a good beginning to a blog entry, so I hope its stuck in your head now Anyways, Today was.. well a day. Nothing new nothing exciting. Once again I didn't stay in school all day because I had family needs to attend to. HM.. I don't really know what to write. I've already ranted about the mail lady and the post office today so all my rant is out of my system... for now atleast. As everyone else would say "I'm in such an emo mood right now" I can't really figure it out, I write about the same shit everyday, because its always whats going on in my life. I want something to change then I can say something new or atleast have a different mind set for like a day. I'm so behind on everything that I should be getting done, and the sad part is I know I need to do it. I know i need to fill out my college applications, and do my homework and all that other great stuff that goes along with being a scholar, but why. Its getting me no where in life right now. maybe it'll help me in the long run but I'm sick of focusing on the long run, I want something to change my life now. . Well I guess this is all for me. I need a vacation. Lets start the "KC needs a one way plane ticket to florida" fund.
To Each Their Own... Sanguinity
~KC
"and all of your ways, and all that you dream, it falls on me..."
...it falls on me, and your beautiful sky, the light you breath, falls on me, it falls on me ..." ~ Fuel- Falls on me. Sorry thats just the song that happened to be playing at the moment of starting to write this and i guess the 2 fuel songs that i have downloaded to my comp are fulfilling my mood at this exact moment. today started off decent, and the majority of the day was decent. I went to school, got done what needed to be done (in school that is), cept in calc bc the ball on my eyebrow ring cracked in half AGAIN.. so then the day went on, accomplished few other things.. came home at my normal time of 1:20, Then Later on I talked to Ry and Skoney and went to go watch the boys skate, that was fun we had an all around good time:0) Hm.. then i came home later than expected and things went downhill. Family probs are the worst. Not that the majority of them are because of me or towards me theyre just general and suck. I dono. Things just dont seem to be peachy keen lately. Theres still that slightly empty part of me too... the lacking of bf part. yea i have plenty of friends who say i can talk to them and rely on them but when it comes down to it, sometimes its just not that way. i dont know, i guess i dont know what i want. well i know what i want but i dont know what i can achieve and i dont know if what i want is truly what i need. And if youve read this far im sorry for the pointless rambling. Just a side note- I'm disappointed in all my fellow bloggers/friends for not blogging more often!!! Its a sad thing.
Well i guess that is all for me. To the skate boys- good skate today! invite me more often:0) we can pimp the pimp car;0)
Well I've already broken my "write one blog a day" rule. so i guess i'll just have to keep trying. Anyways, I dont really have much to write, that is, there isnt much that i WANT to write at this point. I guess I'm just thinking too much lately, about my life and things like that. I dono. Well Things havent much changed lately except for ive been listening to rap lately, i know why but in other ways i dont. I guess maybe its true what people say that the music I typically listen to is depressing, maybe not so much the music but if youre already in that kind of mood then it just keeps you there and sucks you in. So maybe im just preventing things that typically happen around this time of year from happening. Anyways, Thats about it really. I feel like I'm missing something in life, maybe its love, maybe its companionship, or maybe its something that i just dont realize exsists, either way. I feel like I'm missing out on a part of life.
So i missed a day of writing but thats okay becuase ill make up for it now. today was highly uneventful. I went to school and hated it. I was tired all day but i guess somethings cannot be helped. Then i went to work. Then i got home and had nothing to do because i cancelled my plans with jess because i was supposed to go get my sis from RIT this morning, So then hugh got me and we went to nicks for a get together. Well that was boring, we had a lot of laughs but it was still unplanned boringness ya kno? we were gona go to phils but he said he was sick so we had to listen to mike be dumb on the comp all night. then hugh and derek played smack down. lol that was funny. perverted though. then i came home and at 2am my sis shows up so i didnt have to go get her this morning therefore defeating the purpose of me even cancelling my plans yesterday! kids these days. Well today i played with zach, we didnt have any plans since our one plan of going to RIT was ruined so we did random activities around monroe county. oh the joys of life. Well that until tomorrow. (tonite= party nite!!!)
Well my plans for this weekend have been nothing but chaotic and each day something gets tossed at me as a must to do. SO therefore I have no spare time. and if I happen to, I'm sure some person will try to find a way to fill it. So I decided that I wanted to run away, I chose Florida, even though after getting to Florida I'd have no money, I decided to be a mermaid or a bum. but my plan was foiled by an unnamed person *coughHUGH!cough* I was told that i cannot be a mermaid and that I'd have to end up being a bum. that made me sad. What happened to the good old days where you got told that you could be anything you wanted to be like in kindergarten, back in those days it was perfectly acceptable to want to be a mermaid, So whats changed? Whatever we thought was reality back in those days has proven to be false. Now we have responsibilities, and nothing seems to be optional anymore. But why? why can't a person just continue to keep this false sense of reality?? Maybe its just me, maybe I'm just wishing for something different to enter my life and make it into something I actually want and care about. Maybe I just want to have something new, I can't say something better because I'm not saying I have some horrible life now, I just want something.. Fresh.
... I'm not going to write anything at all. I dont want to be one of those people who all they do is complain, Yeah everyone has their bad days but some people cant control it. And i know blog is my own personal journal to write down all this stuff i have in my head but why? when i know people are reading it and thinking to themselves "wow this girl is messed up and overly mopey about unimportant stuff" and I know i shouldnt care because this is MY space, this is my spot to write down all my feelings and everything in the world that means something to me. But I'm overly self conscious, and I dont even feel like writing anything that could let someone read too deeply into me, or find out more information than they should, Because for some reason it always comes back to kick me in the ass. So this is why todays entry is nothing, its pure and utter blabbing about stupid nothingness. And for Zach, I'm not mad at you, I'm just in my " I hate myself and the world around me" phase at the moment. Just let me have it.
Today was a nothing day. I woke up decided not to go to school because the weather was shitty and i didnt feel like driving, even though i was goign to leave at 10:30 anyways. I woke up at 11:30, went ot lunch, went grocery shopping, dilly dallied, went to work for a meeting and that was boring, and here I am now, about to go to bed. Welp I suppose that is all for today.
Well I wish I had $175 worth the pennies right now. Anyways, Today was fully and utterly uneventful. I went to my classes, did my work and that was all. Things just seem... different lately. I don't know. I'm trying to live up and enjoy my last year before doing whatever it is I decide to do next year, and its not really working. I'm overly stressed with trying to keep good grades incase I go to college, making money to support family things, and trying to make sure I know whats going on with friends and not annoy or piss them off. I just dont know. I feel like I'm surrounded by people who don't even care to realize that I exsist. Maybe I need new friends, maybe my expectations are too high, maybe I'm just fucking insane. I don't know anymore. and sorry if this offended any of my friends because I know there are some of you who try your best for me and are always there for me and thank you because I love you deeply for that and owe you so much.
Well today was a BUSY day. I had to work at noon, so that means i had to go extra early to open woo for me. And then i ended up staying a half hour late because there were 10 appointments today. anyways. IT was chaotic, and not only were people annoying BUT i hit my head on the counter and had a dent in it for about 45 minutes and now theres a cut there. Oh well. Yesterday was BORING i did nothing at all all day but oh well. I went to bed early and got up at 10 for work., well thats about the extent of my writing. i dont really have anything all that interesting to put down.
Well its the party nite of the week i am home from my party, early i might add but thats okay. I had a lot of fun. it was at nicks house, nick, mike, hugh, derek, courtney, kelley, and chelsea were there!:) well today was okay at school, pretty relaxing day not too many real classes. no work either. altho it took me about 2 hours to pick out waht to buy my mom for her bday thats on tuesday, however i did find something. well ill write more tomorrow.
Well today was different I suppose is the only word i can put on it. I guess maybe more enjoyable would fit somewhat also. Today started off like normal. I got to take random pics in printmaking however (aka i wondered around inside and outside school to take a total of like 7 pics) And i harassed zach's gym class (good times). Hmm then i had.. english, which i dont have to read the book we're reading cuz i read it over the summer. SO woo Less hw! Hmm. then what.. Ugh calc was calc, then study hall... that was okay i guess. lunch was interesting bc the table was doing SOO great at being non perverted this week and KD and i ruined it today by talking about the "profit"< dont ask. anyways, it got dirty and fast. Hmm.. then BJ kept hitting on me again, he has a gf so i kno he's just jokin but still! hmm then i went home yay for home. Then i attended work. Work was better today. my first sit was not so great cuz i couldnt get the children to look at me :( and i was SLOW but then my second one the boy was really good and i made a $100 sale which is GREAT. especially since it was my first real sale cuz i took the pics!!!:0)>Well i suppose that is all, it leads me up to now. Hopefully ill get some plans for friday and saturday this week.
Well today wasnt so bad i guess. Sorta sad to know that a lot of my friends are sad, and I think that my problems shall go on hold till theirs are corrected. Anyways. Its also sad that I'm the bully at the lunch table HEH not really! its fun. Its cuz im the only chick and the only senior so i mean cmon! Anyways.. i dont really know what to write right now. Work went by reasonably fast and i actually think i learned something and i got paid. not that that means i have money now but it means i got paid. Hmm what else.. thats about it. Im now 4 minutes late for my goal of being in bed but thats okay. I hope everyone starts being happier and finding what they need in life. and yea pat what you wrote is true about relationships but some people still want them anyways because things like that DONT just happen all the time sometimes you do have to work at things. ANyways. Thats just my opinion.
Well today seemed to drag out for what seemed to be an eturnity. It felt like a monday type day but it was really a tuesday. Nothing truely eventful happened in school today. We had a fire drill, woo.. Umm... i dont know ive been pretty zoned out lately. Oh, BJ was hitting on me all class period today that was exciting... (insert sarcasm).. He kept friggen winking at me just cuz he wants head, yea thats really gona happen for him. Anyways, after school i walked with pat to wilson farms since he doesnt have any other time to have quality bonding time with me. It was a good walk though, we talked about lots of stuff and i feel closer heh. (Pat i hope you enjoyed that cappachino fix :wink: ) At any rate, that was the jist of my day. Hopefully this week will get better. Everyone have fun at BOB tomorrow, I however will not be making an appearance since I'm working tomorrow nite.
You have an entrancing kiss~ the kind that leaves your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling he/she is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss that never lessens and always blows your partner away like the first time.
Well i wish i wasnt writing this right now but i have been forced to. i told myself that id make my best efforts to write atleast one blog a day but today i just dont want to. Why you ask? because i dont want people to know my true feelings of today. I wish that i didnt even know my own true feelings today. Things have just been so puzzling to me lately. Today at work i was so out of it i just had a horrible time there. I think that i am possibly the worst photographer ever. I made myself look very dumb today and wouldnt be suprised if one of my managers hates me now. Besides that, yesturday as i was driving home from picking up dinner, i started to think. I thought about how i have all these really close guy friends, yet i dont have a bf. Not that i dont love my guy friends to death but i want something more, its like having such great guy friends that i can be 100% myself with is a tease because i want so much more, sometimes i just wana cuddle up with them and be in a relationship with them even though i know deep down inside i really cant. Not to say thats true of all of them but just a select few. At any rate, i hate this. I feel like theres so much wrong with me, and not even just in that department. Im sitting here trying to write myself a good college essay, maybe one that i can actually use for applying to college soon and i cant think of a single damn good thing to write about myself. nothing. And friends keep trying to convince me that yes there are good things about me but why can i not see that? why is it so impossible for me to even believe that theres an ounce of single whole hearted goodness inside of me? i wish i knew but i have no idea. I just want to quit, move away, make a simple easy life for myself, where all i have to do is work and then go home, without any connections to people, no phone no internet no tv, just a little shack to myself where i can sit and do random crafts to myself and not even think about lonely because ive been so lonely for so long. And ill have a grey cat who sits in my lap and just lets me be me. Thats what i want..... no really it is..... okay so maybe its not but thats probably second choice.
well that is all for today, thanks for reading this pointlessness i call my life.
I dono what to do. I have feelings for someone, And I've had them before, but last time things just didnt work out. And i wish they would this time. It makes me sad. But i can't even talk to the person about them just because of how things turned out last time the feelings were actually brought up. I dono. i dont know what to think or what ot do. Any suggestions??:0/
Where to begin... i woke up, rachel called, she came and got me, we did slave labor in her house to paint her room in slutty victorias secret stripes. It was quite the hard effort but i suppose for her it will be well worth it. Then we yelled at derek for a while, then we went to best buy and learned that all the people who work there are complete idiots. Then we went to village gate square to shop and there was a crazy hooker lady in one of the stores. Then we ate dinner at montana mills/java joes. That was different. Then we went home and dottled for a bit, and as soon as we were about to leave, her dad got a fire call for a man down the road who was laying in someones yard. Strange. We thought maybe he was dead but nope just drunk. it was only 10pm. Then i got home at 11, called hugh, and he came to get me:0) then we went to Phils house and partied... a lot. Well atleast I did, for about 1.5 hrs before well, we wont go there. Then back to partying. It was good times had by all, with all like 13 people? yea. Things were strange at times but all just as funny. Well i think i need to rest for once in my life, I havent had that opportunity yet this weekend. Hope everyone is enjoying thiers as much as me:0)
*BEEEEP BEEEEP BEEP!* that was the annoying sound of my alarm this morning putting me into shock on a non school day morning. UGH. Anyways, Today began well I suppose, I got up, went and got Zach then he came over and I made him bake brownies. Then he molested my cat for a short while, Then we colored and i let him use my sbob coloring book < BIG step right there folks. And umm we did a lot of random stuff around here, Then we formulated a plan. We went ot the used book store in spencerport, then the guitar center, then got gas, boy that was quite the expernience, then we went to the mall for random picture taking time before returning him to his home. Um then I got home only to have KD call me and then come kidnap me. So i went to play at Kd's house and then zach came there too, Ugh such a stalker, Hmm then we played lets dye Kds hair, that was fun shes a messy girl so it was awkward but isnt everything Kd does awkward? hehe. Then we decided to dye my hair, what was thought to be a beautiful plan of fun colored hair turned out only reasonably good. Anyways. Enough of my pointless rambling about my day. >[i]Things are confusing, Life is confusing. I dont really know what to do with myself. I enjoy the company of my friends but i for some reason want more. I want that significant other who can give me all that i need whenever i want it. Or who can be there for me no matter what, or someone to argue with then to hug and make up. Or to just BE with. Ya know? okay who am i asking you know to? umm nevermind, I just asked another question to a non exsistant person. [/i]
Okay So I think this is where I shall end the journey. Sorry for all of you who read this WHOLE entry it is a bit lengthy.
To each their own.. hazard? possibly.
Follow the footsteps to a better life, but don't get too upset when you fall out of line and have to discover your own route.
Okay, so maybe I wont list ALL the ways cuz those are my little secrets BUT I did have a fun/ Random day. Today started off with.. me going to school. Not much fun however. cuz i mean cmon its school right? right. Hmm i had a massive amount of cocoa to drink on the way to school and in the first 15 min of school. Then.. I had study hall first period, YAY. Hmm... what else. We talked about alcohol in economics lol that was well interesting. I got home, and i was PLANNING on going to art club, however my mother foiled my plan by bribery, yes she gave me $20 to buy clothes, So that ment i had to go with her for her errands. This lead to fighting on my plan of action in the car because she is a strange one and has no reasoning behind her actions. Anywho, i got clothes, Then we went to dinner at 3pm YES 3 pm. SO then i got home and in feeling guilty i called zach. so i decided to kidnap him and participate in random activities. We visited KD at honey baked ham. then Target for some hott action, then petsmart, then joanne fabrics, then lowes (mm lowes lol) then tops, They were all good times. too many good times to write, however if youd like pics just ask:0) Anyways, They were all sexy, fun kinky times, (JK!) And the quote of the day is "shh, im trying to steal samples!" And possibly "stop laughing your lowering my selfesteem" heh. That is all:0)
IF you want to be random, lets play:0) ~KC [image]smiles42486_655184 931.jpg[/image]
[i]Hmmm Well I dont exactly have much to write. The excitement of my day was getting clifford stickers, yes clifford stickers. And Okay MAYBE watching clifford:0) thanks to Pat heh. Anyways. Today was alright, I actually participated in Gym!! oh my! What else... hmm.. Nothing really, It was nice outside and I tried my damnedest to accomplish [b]SOMETHING[/b] anything outside But i cannot say i was overly sucessful. Oh well, maybe tomorrow:0) I'm glad tomorrow is the end of this school week, I really cant handle this already. 5 days a week for 40 weeks is far too much school, AND we're only to the 5 week period. Seems like its been soo much longer. I guess I should try my best to survive, it is my last and final year. Although I'm not good at goodbyes. I hate them, i guess maybe i just hate change, because honestly where will i be once high school is over? I've really got nothing going for me at the moment, all i have right now is this pointless rambling that im doing. Well with that said, the bedtime express is calling my # its time to board. To each their own happiness.[/i] ~KC
So this shall be a nothing entry. I did nothing at all today. I slept. And when I woke up I said to myself, "wow, I'd just be getting home from school right now." and that was that. Anyways. My day was highly uneventful. It took me about 5 hours to complete my essay/report thing for economics, I don't even know what to call it because it was a nothing type thing. I dont know. Lets see.. didnt really talk to anyone today. And now I'm about to go to bed. Lets hope my legs work, I walked like i had a pole up my ass all day because of gym and work yesterday. And i suppose this is the end of my nothing entry i dont know why i even bothered to write this. maybe just because its keeping my mind of my mixed emotions at the moment. Anyways. Time to hit the bed, Spongebob here i come. :?:
I realize that when things like this change they dont change back. nothing will go back to normal, nothing can stay as it was. but forever life will be reckoned with. Delt with. And you arent the dealer of your own cards. Life is unpredictable, unknowing, its testy and moody, and can change at the wink of an eye. Before you know it everything will pass you by and youll wonder where you were or what you were doing in those 5 minutes that the whole world changed around you, and you know what i hope i can say for that 5 minutes? i was living my own life, the way i wanted to.
Anyways, now that that ramble is over. I'd like to say sorry to those of you who knew matt. I didnt personally but that doesnt mean it doesnt hit close to home.
Things are confusing right now. Seems like friends are changing, everyone seems to be going through a lot of rough spots lately. Everyone in their own rough patch and i just wish there was more i could do to help. But to each their own route.
