So this weekend was alright i suppose. Friday i was gona babysit for my neighbor but ended up not. so i went w/ franky to get her haircut which looks good btw. and then we went to bug john at work which was unsuccessful since it was busy there. so we bowled a game. then we harassed him. then we went and harassed sean at work. then i was on my way home and john called so i had to go all the way back out to get him from work then we went to hte movies w/ sean and frank. that was fun i guess. pointless movie but it was decent. "you got served" haha. anyways. saturday sucked cuz someone didnt go home after work:( so we didnt get to hang out but i washed 3 cars and cleaned the inside of mine and johns. then i had to go babysit at 8:30 till 3am. which sorta sucked but i needed the money. then today someone woke me up by calling me but thats okay cuz i got to see him today atleast for a lil bit. i saw more of his grandma than i did of him but o well i guess. better than not at all. hopefully ill get to see more of him this week itd be nice and maybe then iwont make him feel guilty:0/ thats all. ~KC
heeh thats my new song for when im mad at john heh. Anyways, i had a decent day. WEnt to school left early, hung out.. wasted time. went to get john, we went to livonia to go see his old friends. that was fun they seemed pretty nice to me, a bit goofy but hey thats okay:) Then we came back home and he talked to his mom and she called him in sick to work for his uncle hten we came here and he paid for hte rest of the car then we were gona go out but saw his brother so we went over there and hung out, went to weggies to get a dvd, watched the dvd then i helped his bro do hw till i had to leave.. but we had a good time and he was nice to me cept when he makes fun of my car. but thats okay. well i guess this was for my own personal benefit but meh. ~KC (feeling super today)
i think im happy, i want to believe that he makes me happy but im not sure. he makes me laugh and smile and happy when im with him... im just worried he doesnt have enough time for me. i guess only time will tell.
I cant quite figure out where to go in life. theres things of interest to me but i dont know what the things want from me. Just thinking lots lately. Tomorrow will hopefully be a better day. Supposed to get a new cell AND theres a good chance of a good party;0) woot. Hopefully the future will be brighter.... Until tomorrow.... In a new life ~KC
And it's been a long December and there's reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last I can't remember all the times I tried to tell myself To hold on to these moments as they pass And it's one more day up in the canyon And it's one more night in Hollywood It's been so long since I've seen the ocean...I guess I should
So the opening song may seem sad or down but im neither of those today. i suprisingly had a good day. Last nite onny and i talked on the phone till like 12 and i ended up falling asleep on the couch.. but its okay he made me feel better. Brandon woke me up this morning by calling but that was okay since it was prolly a better thing for me to be up. then i went w/ stinky to go bowling and to see a friend of ours..... that was interesting. heh (btw we suck at bowling) Then i got home and watched donnie darko, which is a fucking outrageous movie and yea.. wow. then john called and i convinced him not to have a party tonite then we went to toys r us and then to the mall and just hung out which was fun. and that was all. and i can honestly say for once in a long while that nothing in my day upset me or hurt me or made me feel down:) I'm glad i had today. ~KC
And even though i can't even begin to figure out why. I still chose it. And maybe I'm losing my mind, but I can't help but wondering where I'm not going in this life.
So maybe i dont really know whats going on in my life anymore. I cant figure out what i want and what i need. theres no difference to me anymore. Maybe i dont [u][b]NEED[/b][/u] anything, maybe im just driving myself insane.
My mood was in full swing My mood was in full swing I wanted to be free Free to want so stale I did not want to hear The perfect thing to say Dying to squeeze out The ugly truth for everyone to hear
Admit You believed Your perfect pool of lies And now If you could say it Everything would be all right
So maybe things havent been so peachy-keen lately. Im just wondering what i can do to change it. Sometimes i wonder if i do this to myself. Honestly. it feels like everytime my life feels great again i lose that sense of reality or its broken down with misfortune. I feel like a failure. I am a failure. My relationships with life are going down hill and fast. Maybe im just insane. My grades in school are sucky. I failed my only midterm. My GPA dropped a good 8% since last marking period. School sucks. My friends seem to have disappeared. Im not sure if thats on my own accord or not. Have i been to wrapped up in my relationship? Too focused on him? or am i just neglectful. My home is chaos. All it is is worries over money, and aruging and BS that i cant deal with. I need a job.
You're lying to yourself again Suicidal imbecile Think about it, put it on the faultline What'll it take to get it through to you precious Over this. Why do you wanna throw it away like this Such a mess. I don't want to watch you.
Disconnect and self destruct one bullet at a time What's your rush now, everyone will have his day to die
So i question a lot of things in my life right now. in so many aspects i feel as tho i am a failure. i dont have a job, im failing calc, i failed the calc midterm. I just dont know... and my friends.. thats a whole nother story. but in others i feel so lucky.... ive got sweetie that loves me... and he makes me feel like hes all i need to get by. and when im in his arms the world is mine for keeps.
